Separation Anxiety Files Episode 3 | Puppies and Separation Anxiety.
When it comes to separation issues, one of the biggest cohorts looking for help with what they believe is Separation Anxiety are puppy owners. I always say to my clients, that if your dog is under 6 months old, you don’t have separation anxiety - yet. You may however have a puppy with a predisposition to struggling on their own, or with a particularly strong dependency on you. More likely, you have a puppy that is too young to understand whats going on at all - or a puppy that is using its voice to communicate because it’s the main thing humans respond to.
So - let’s talk puppies and separation issues. what you can do about it, when to do it, and when it’s better to just wait for them to get a little older.
Puppy Personalities. Not broken - just not all the same.
Let’s start by explaining a few basics about puppy personalities. In any litter of dogs, taking an average of 8 puppies per litter, one of those 8 is going to be the most sensitive. One will be the most confident. One will be the most excited. The rest will be somewhere in an average. What that means is that you have a 1/8 chance of getting a sensitive puppy that will be easily overwhelmed by being on their own, feel more inclined to attach themselves to someone in order to feel safe, and find it more difficult to adapt to things like crate training. You also have a 1/8 chance that you will have the most excited puppy in the litter, which will struggle to self regulate, have an excess of energy, and need more structure compared to its siblings.
If you’re lucky, you’ll be in the 6/8 of the dog owners for your litter that had a fairly easy pup. But if you have one of the two dogs in the 2/8 that are a little more challenging, then you need a different strategy. Thats not to say that you shouldn’t be aiming for the same goals - just that you may end up taking the scenic route.
Surviving the Unhappy Valley.
There is an ideal window when a puppy first arrives when things will go really well. If you can get them settled in their crate and sleeping on their own overnight over the first 3 days, you’ve got a big head start. To do that, you kind of need to stay fairly disengaged with them for those first 3 days - spending as much time out of the room as you are in the room, being around but not available and leaving them to get settled and relaxed in their own space - before they form a bond with you.
The truth? Literally nobody does this except professional trainers.
What most people do is not let their puppies out of their sight as soon as they arrive home. Which means that when it comes to putting them to bed, or settling them in a crate (after they’re spend hours asleep on a warm lap) it becomes an immediate point of friction to work through. Some succeed, many don’t - and most puppies quickly end up in the bedroom. Welcome to the unhappy valley.
At this point, with a 2-3 month old puppy, a pattern is established that they are too young to learn their way out of, and it’s going to mean an over dependence on their owners, which in turn will lead to all the challenges with sleep routine, leaving the house, and otherwise managing their care. It will feel like a lot of pressure and stress. It is. It won’t be forever, but it’s the scenic route - and there’s no point trying to switch things back at this age. It’s not that they have separation anxiety - they’re just learned to associate sleep with people, and that isn’t going to be easy to change until they reach around 5 months old.
3 days of leaving them to adjust before bonding vs. 3 months of having to manage them constantly.
If you’re in this situation - don’t try to make any drastic changes. If they’re sleeping in a crate upstairs, leave them upstairs. If they’re in the bed, leave them there - just until they’re a little older. there is other training you can do in time to wean them off and get them back to a place of independence, but there’s no point stressing yourself, or them, out prematurely. Focus on small daily changes (a playpen to put them away in, nap times without you during the day) that won’t drastically change your lifestyle, but will make the transition easier when they’re ready to readjust around 6 months old.
Basic manners around greeting and reuniting.
One of the biggest things that new puppy owners can do when it comes to setting themselves up for success is not getting into the habit of making their puppies excited whenever you reunite, let them out of a crate or wake them in the morning. You can tell me until you are blue in the face that your puppy was just born super excited - but the truth is, humans nurture the ritual of excitement in these moments. Stop making your future self hate you and calm down. No high pitches voices, no gooey gooey - make coming and going a non-event unless you want to create a real issue.
When it comes to the crate - go to the door, kneel down, get ready to open the door - and wait. wait for them to sit, then settle. Don’t tell them, don’t bribe them - just wait. when they’re calm, begin to open the door. If they jump up, close it again. Wait for them to settle down again, then open the door. When they stay calm with the door open, turn around and walk away, and let them calmly follow you out (presumably to the garden for a toilet).
If you’re coming home from work or an errand, do so silently. Not quietly, silently. let them smell you, stay calm. I know they’re cute - I don’t care. Stay calm. Don’t make the early days of greeting become a nightmarish habit that needs fixing later. Now is your moment to get this right. Your future self will thank you.
Final tip: Think before you reward.
I understand that most puppy parents will not survive until 6 months without going to some form of puppy class that uses more treats than a candy store. But please, take what they are saying with a pinch of salt and don’t forget to apply a little common sense, even if the person running the class isn’t.
You do not need to give your dog food for every tiny thing they do. You do not need to use high pitched noises for every tiny thing they do. You do not need to ‘Pay them’ with high value treats every second of the day, and you do not need to ‘reward good behaviour’ with enough kibble to turn them potbellied. It is okay to just give them a little tickle under the chin or calmly tell them ‘good boy/girl’. It’s okay to do nothing too if the goal is calmness. Save your treats for training lessons, recall, and photoshoots.
On this note, you cannot reward the absence of a behaviour. You cannot reward a dog for ‘not barking’ or ‘not biting’. If they bite you, then pause, and you give them food - they will probably keep biting you. If they bark, then pause, then you throw them a toy - they will probably keep barking at you. And if you turn yourself into a vending machine in the early days, you can fully expect your puppy will turn into a vocal, overstimulated and disregulated adolescent very quickly. Why does this matter for separation anxiety? because that disregulated behaviour is going to be the exact same thing they practice when you leave through the front door and don’t take them with you.
