It’s Time we talked about Dogs & Children
The topic of dogs and children is largely one that I have tried not to wade in on - often because when it comes the topics of safety, bite incidents and appropriate behaviour - emotions typically run very high, and it’s very difficult for parents and dog owners not to have feelings like guilt, shame and judgement when it comes to how they choose to raise their dogs and young families.
Regardless - the reality in 2025 is that I am at this point speaking to 4 or 5 families every month (thats 1 a week) who have dealt with a bite incident between a dog and a child under 5, and that number doesnt seem to be decreasing - so it’s about time we covered the topic in some detail.
Dogs and Children are not compatible by default. Dogs that tolerate children well are the exception, not the rule.
It is important to start by saying that almost all of the bite incidents I work with could be avoided if people understand that at a fundamental level, dogs and young children are not highly compatible. Dogs typically find children under the age of five very stressful to be around, unless someone has taken plenty of time to introduce them and build trust. Toddlers and young children move very quickly, make lots of high pitched noises, grab, pinch, punch and throw things, and behave in an unpredictable way. None of these behaviours should need to be tolerated by any dog - and if you make the choice to help your dog to build a relationship with your child, it should be done with the starting point of absolute respect.
There are a very small number of dogs, of a very small number of breeds - who naturally succeed around children. What all of these dogs have in common is that they are genetic outliers, with a very low defence drive, a high tolerance to stress, and many generations of breeding for compatibility with family life. The Staffordshire bull terrier for example, widely respected for its tolerance around children - is only able to do so because for many, many generations, any dog that showed any behavioural concerns around children was swiftly euthanised.
If you are lucky enough to have a dog that was great with children without much effort - then what an amazing dog you have. But for the rest of us, it requires a sensible, considered approach to help dogs succeed and feel comfortable around children. And thats absolutely normal.
Different parents raise children and Dogs in different ways, with different perspectives, and different results. I see what works and what doesn’t.
I think the first thing that is worth mentioning here is that there is a huge amount of variation in terms of how parents choose to raise their young children, as well as the emotions that parents feel when it comes how their dogs behave around them. Some parents are more pragmatic than others. Some are more structured and disciplined than others. Some parents worry more than others and some parents have more experience with animals than others.
Overwhelmingly, the families who struggle the most with dog bites tend to have similar routines and tendencies:
-
The expectation is that the dog should be able to tolerate lots of inappropriate physical contact from children such as pulling ears and tail, cuddling and hugging the dog, picking them up, high levels of excitement, and unpredictability - and that if it is unable to do so, it is fundamentally a problem with the dog. Expecting far too much from their dogs, whilst making an abundance of excuses for their children’s behaviour.
-
A lack of structure in the home, particularly around food and their dogs sleep routine. Often the dogs have nowhere to remove themselves or sleep, no requirement for distance around food, and regularly compete for space on the sofa.
-
An emotional approach to their dogs behaviour, wanting their dogs to be involved in all interactions so that they don’t feel rejected or pushed out, wanting their children to be best friends with their ‘first child’ (the dog), wanting an idealised or romanticised version of the relationship. A strong emotional response to any sign of discomfort or rejection from their dogs, taking it as a personal attack or reflection on them.
-
Rushing intimate interactions for that ‘instagram moment’. Trying to get everything sorted with the dog on the first week of a babies arrival. Expecting the dog to be instantly calm and know how to behave without having been taught.
By comparison, the parents who succeed without incident most typically practice:
-
Clear boundaries and a zero tolerance policy for inappropriate interactions. Parents who consistently teach children from a very young age, and from their babies very first interactions, what behaviours are not acceptable.
-
A clear structure for when dogs and children spend time together, what activities are suitable - and also when the dogs can be left alone away from children. Providing rooms that aren’t accessible to children, a crate and a bed for the dogs to remove themselves to for peace and quiet. Clear boundaries and training such as place work around meal times.
-
A pragmatic, reasoned approach to their dogs behaviour. They recognise that their dog is a dog - that if they are put under too much stress they will defend themselves. That they are predatory animals that find high pitched noises and fast movement stressful. Recognising that their dogs stress is an opportunity to teach and help their dogs find solutions. Recognising that their dog has an equal right to feel safe and protected in their home, and that they have an equal responsibility to teach both their dog and their child how to behave.
-
Recognising that they have plenty of time to build a relationship between a young child and their dog. Taking time in the first few weeks to just get their dogs relaxed in the same space. Building on calmness in more exciting scenarios. Revisiting the same rules as their child starts to crawl and walk. Introducing healthy bonding and leadership activities as their child gets older.
We need a reality check. If your child is old enough to understand a bite, they are old enough to understand the word No.
I know that this isn’t going to be what most people want to hear - but when a dog bites a child, it is overwhelmingly doing so as an expression of disagreement about that child’s behaviour. In essence, it is your dogs way or saying NO - in no uncertain terms. And whether you like it or not, most dogs only need to bite a child once in order to get the message across.
So if your dog is put in a position where they have to use a bite to communicate that message - it means that the opportunity for a parent to step in and clearly set a boundary with a child was missed. In all likelihood, it means that many opportunities to set a boundary with a child were missed. And if, as a parent, your push back is that your child doesn’t listen to you - doesn’t respect boundaries or doesn’t understand, the only question that remains is whether you genuinely think that they wouldn’t listen to, respect or understand when your dog bites them instead. Realistically? they’ll learn pretty quickly.
So - a guideline. If your child is too young to understand a bite, then they are too young to be interacting with a dog in a way that could generate a bite. And if they are old enough to understand a bite, then they are absolutely capable of having been taught the right way to interact by a loving parent instead of the dog.
Are you properly weighing Risk? Yes, Every dog can bite.
In reality, what is often happening is that parents are not properly weighing reasonable risk when it comes to a childs interaction with a dog, because they do not see the risk of a bite in their own interactions with their dog. Perhaps because we humanise them and see them as a member of the family. Perhaps because we don’t want to think that our dog could be ‘nasty’ or ‘aggressive’ to our child. We take for granted that our dogs feel safe and relaxed around us, and assume that that will extend to our children.
Your dog is an animal. A predatory animal, that reacts on the basis of instincts, for the sole function of survival. They have no moral compass, no sense of self, no guilt, no morality - just instincts. They are perfectly within their rights to move anyone, your child included, out of their space if they feel threatened. And that doesn’t make them any less the Dog you know and love.
Knives are sharp. Electricity and water don’t mix. Some berries are poisonous. Dogs bite. Come to terms with the fact that biting is normal dog behaviour, and that any dog can do it. Understand that every dog has a limit, and that aggression is a likely outcome of stress. Accept it, respect it - and be realistic about it. Because it isn’t personal.
Some Perspective: Kennel Club Guidance for Dogs and Children.
as part of the Kennel Clubs Silver scheme, they actually offer guidance that every dog owner should adhere to. When reading the list, it brought into sharp focus for me just how much so many of the dogs I work with are expected to tolerate. I would bet that every single parent reading this article fails in at least one of these areas:
46. Never to make sudden movements close to a dog.
47. Never to scream or suddenly yell close to a dog.
48. Never to lunge at a dog, particularly when it is asleep.
49. Never to put their face close to a dog’s face.
50. Never to eat food close to a family dog.
51. Never to tease or pull a dog’s body or coat.
52. Never to ignore a dog’s warning growl.
53. Never touch a dog whilst it is eating
54. Always wash their hands after playing with a dog.
55. Always ask permission before touching a dog they do not
know.
Taken from the Kennel Club Good Citizen Dog Scheme - Silver Award.
A sensible Tick List for a healthy home with dogs and children
Most of the time, the requirements for a safe and sensible home don’t involve massive changes, but they do require a few basics that are non negotiable:
-
There needs to be an area of your home that your dog can go to be left in piece. Oftentimes something a simple as a baby gate can divide off the kitchen so that your dog has somewhere quiet they can retreat to - with a bed or crate for them to sleep in undisturbed.
Your child also needs somewhere that is dog free. If you have a nursery, this needs to be a no go zone for your dog. - and the same is true for your child’s bedroom, at least until they are a little older. Having clear rules on space are much easier to put in place than grey areas where the rules are always changing.
-
Beds throughout the home that your dog can be asked to go and lie down on. Teaching your dog to stay on their bed when asked is one of the most valuable skills they can learn, and it’s a fantastic way of creating calmness around meal times. It also allows you to send boundaries on places like the sofa, which is a hotspot for bite incidents.
-
It has been said many times that a tired dog is a happy dog, and there are certainly benefits to ensuring excess energy is drained to help your dog get rid of anxiety and frustration. It’s a lot easier to ask your dog to stay calm when children are playing, if they feel calm in themselves.
-
It may seem obvious, but leaving chews, bones, and other flash point objects around is never a sensible idea. Supervise your dog with treats of value, and make sure to store them somewhere safe when they are done with them.
-
It’s a good idea to have regular activities that are an opportunity for children and dogs to be calm together without lots of excess physical contact. Story time with your child and your dog, watching a movie as a family, and other calm activities that your dog can be a part of are a fantastic way of building trust. For older children, basic obedience training or scent training to find object around the house are also a good way of building a better relationship.
Remember that your dog is going to get better at the things that they practice - so the more time they practice a calm, structured way of being around children that is predictable and clear, the less stressed they will be. You have a lifetime to help your dog and child to bond in the right way - be sensible and considered in your approach, and don’t leave opportunities for your dog and child to make mistakes that are easily avoidable.
